Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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