ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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