omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
