this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
