Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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