Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
