He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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