her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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