i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im holly from the hills drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
