btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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