apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
