I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so explain again why im purple
no
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
