My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
