So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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