if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is Oprah even human
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
