I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
