I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize