I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So squirting runs in the family.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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