He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
