He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
