maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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