just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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