im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
