Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She told me I should be a condom model.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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