K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
