You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
