I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm at about main and main street
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
