I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
