Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
