I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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