wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
