Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
