Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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