so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
