While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
