i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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