I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
