at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
