i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
