please come you make the beer taste better
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
