one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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