she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
