Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
