woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize