I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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