You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
