I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
