NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
