I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
