No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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