Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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