this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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