Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
