We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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