well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
