my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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