My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
