If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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