we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
