It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
