so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize