what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
