Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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