Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
