We got so high we made milksteak
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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