I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
