why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
