haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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