What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
