it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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