Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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