the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry about my life...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
