i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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