She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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