Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
