I CAN MOONWALK!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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