YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
