Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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