I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I deserve this hangover.
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