i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
