i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
