His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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