Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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