Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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