Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
