I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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