There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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