Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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