is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
