grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
