im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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