If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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