Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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