I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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