News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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