he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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