dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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