I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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