John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
