i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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