Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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