if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
